The Art of Suffering

January 26th, 2012 by Mrs. Who

It’s that time of year again…Literacy Week!  Yeah…where we celebrate reading because we’re so effin’ tied up with standardized testing that we’ve forgotten what reading is.  (And that, my friends, is as succinct a summary of the state of education today as one can hear.)

Anyway….

One of the activities was for the kids to create a bookmark.  One ‘winner’ would be chosen from each grade level, and copies made to share with the whole school.  They had to be turned in yesterday.  One of my students, however, found his rather crumpled form today when the class was cleaning out their desks.  He gleefully exclaimed that he was going to finish it and turn it in.  So…I had to tell him it was too late.

His lips quivered.  His eyes watered.  His head collapsed on his folded arms and he sobbed.  And wailed.  And lamented. “My chances for a career as an artist are shattered!!!!!!”

I’m so sorry folks…but I laughed.  Out loud. 

And yes, I did comfort him so that he knew he still had every chance in the world to be an artist if he wished (he is talented).  But oh dear God…the things these kids come up with sometimes.  It keeps the edge off of things…

 

The Ghost of Christmas Past

January 25th, 2012 by Mrs. Who

I needed some ribbon for a project at school today.  So this morning I traipsed to my stash of sewing and crafting supplies to find some ribbon.  Then I saw a blue bag next to the craft drawers.  A bag I often use in hauling materials to and from school.  It was zipped up, and looked very full.  I wondered what was in it, so I opened it up.  

It was mostly items from the last week at school before Christmas.  Some paperwork (so that’s were it’s been), a few small Christmas gifts from some of my students, and one Christmas gift from a fellow teacher.  A gift from the heart.  A gift of a small loaf of homemade pumpkin bread.  That has been sitting there since the week before Christmas.   It’s been there for five and a-half weeks.  I screeched and reached into the bag to throw it away.

Big. Mistake. 

Apparently, as long as it sat still and alone in the dark recesses of the bag, the pumpkin bread wasn’t going to bother anyone.  But suddenly shifting it made it release its only defense…a horrible, miasmatic, noisome, awful stench.  Stunk up the house, even after it had been deposited in the garbage can outside.

I think it permeated my clothes, too.  The kids at school asked what the smell was, and I told them the room was just stuffy and kept the front and back door opened.

Five and a-half weeks.  I guess when I got home that last day before the Christmas break, my mind just went on Christmas break.  Sheesh.

Say ‘Yes’ to the Gluteus Maximus

January 20th, 2012 by Mrs. Who

I love watching ‘Say Yes to the Dress’.  Always a romantic at heart.

BR kind of puts up with it.  He’ll stay in the room while it’s on, but will be blasting away at zombies or mythological creatures or something on his computer.

Tonight, this woman on the show wanted a dress like Pippa Middleton.  BR was paying attention enough to ask who she was.

Me: You know, the sister of Duchess Kate.

BR:

Me:  You know, the Royal Wedding last year?

BR:

Me:  The one with the cute butt?

BR:  (with a big grin spreading on his face)  Oh, yeah!

Me:  Say yes to my fist, mister.

 

Laughing all the way…

January 17th, 2012 by Mrs. Who

My daughter kept us laughing tonight at dinner.

I mentioned that today was Betty White’s 90th birthday today, and that I wanted to be her when I grew up.  Princess No loves Betty White, too.  She pointed out that Betty White is always smiling.  And, according to PN, that is because she hasn’t had a husband in a long, long time.

Then PN kept on talking and talking and talking, barely taking time to eat.  I told her she was talking too much and needed to eat.

PN:  But this is what’s nice about eating as a family…we get to talk.  What’s good about eating in front of a tv? 

Me: It doesn’t talk back to you.

PN:  Yes it does…that’s its job!

Me:  Okay, then it doesn’t MOCK you.

PN:  Yes it does.  Haven’t you ever watched South Park?

Me:  No.

PN:  Family Guy?  Simpsons? CNN????

Snorting guacamole isn’t fun.  But, yeah, it’s good to laugh as a family.

Musings on a Saturday morning…

January 14th, 2012 by Mrs. Who

I’ve been watching ‘Alaska State Troopers’ this morning off and on.  And I  have a question for Alaskan citizens.

Where do you buy those slings?  You know, those huge slings you men AND women must use to haul your cajones around…

It’s the only thing I can figure that would enable y’all to live in that kind of weather.

And another thing…

January 12th, 2012 by Mrs. Who

…as long as I’m bitching about work.  WTF do we have to keep changing our password?  Afraid someone is going to steal our damn lesson plans?  And why can’t we use the same password for all the damn sites/programs we are required to use????  A password for the computer, one for email, one for the website, one for the professional development planning site, one each for at least six different sites to be used with the students, one for each of at least three CAI programs, on for the substitute site, one for the paycheck site (okay, I do like having that one protected), one for the gradebook, one to log-on to sign up for mandatory workshops, one for the testing-data site, one for the online student testing site, one for the online safety courses…with so many to remember, what do most teachers do?  Write them down and leave them in their desks so they can access them as needed.  And no, I’m not going to password-protect my list of passwords on my password-protected computer.  I don’t have the friggin’ time to do all that.

Stupid stuff.

Nothing to Report

January 12th, 2012 by Mrs. Who

Work sucks.  And getting suckier.  It’s going to be freezing ass cold tonight…sandals two days ago, boots tomorrow.

Sullen teens suck, too.  They need an ass kickin’, but I can’t kick that high anymore.

And work sucks. Oh, wait, already so that.

So, yeah, nothing to report.  Yay for middle-age.  /sarcasm

Rank and File

January 8th, 2012 by Mrs. Who

Dear Annoying Woman at Church:

If you absolutely, positively, can’t wait at least till you get to your car to file your nails, could you please wait to do it during a hymn?  Your constant *SCRITCHscritchSCRITCHscritchSCRITCHscritch* pause *scritchscritchscritchscritchscritch* during Father’s homily was very distracting.  Or were you just adding sound affects…maybe the sound of the Wise Men’s camels’ hooves in the desert sands as they came to visit the Christ Child?  I was wishing a camel would spit on you before the homily was half over.   And I shouldn’t have those kinds of thoughts in Church, for goodness sake.  Now I have to go to Confession and do Penance because your manicure couldn’t wait!!!!  THANKSALOT, WENCH!!!!

Sincerely,

Mrs. Who

P.S.  I didn’t really mean to rev my Mustang’s engine so loudly as I drove past you in the parking lot.  It’s just a little noise, after all, and it shouldn’t distract you and make you jump a foot in the air.

P.P.S.  Damn.  More penance.

 

Bloggy Year in Review

January 2nd, 2012 by Mrs. Who

Otherwise known as, “Have I grown as a person this year?” Probably not. Unless you count what the scale tells me, which means I’ve stayed the same.

And oh, yeah, h/t to LeeAnn.

Yet another meme to let us list things but also to show us how we’ve grown in the past year. Or how well the flashbacks are doing. Take the first sentence from the first post of each month of 2011. That’s your year in review. Tattle on yourself with your link in the comments if you give it a shot, particularly if yours works out better.

January: …is driving along in your Mustang on a sunny day, listening to this song..and smiling when the bass kicks in and causes the side-view mirrors to vibrate.

February: One of the hardest things a beginning teacher experiences is first time he or she has to call a children’s protective agency for the sake of a child

March: The Goob returns from Korea!

April: My mother.

May: Maria Jakubiak and Robert Scandole and Fr. Judge, and all the 2,993 others…your murderer has been killed.

June: I was sitting at home watching a stupid-ass online video I had to watch for school.

July: Happy Independence Day, everyone!

August: Recently I saw the final movie of the HP series.

September: …I remember Maria, Robert, and Mychal.

October: Last night when I lay down in bed, I started getting chills.

November: *sigh* Work…sucks.

December: Just a very big fat-ass crisis averted…never came to fruition, thankyoudearGod.

Kind of interesting…I can clearly remember writing the post way back a year ago…but I can’t remember what the ‘very big fat-ass crisis’ was about a month ago. Sheesh.

Happy Year of the Mayan Apocalypse

January 1st, 2012 by Mrs. Who

Or something like that, anyway.

Stumbled across this admonition and thought it would be a good guideline in making New Year Resolutions:

1. Education and intelligence mean nothing without action.
2. Happiness and success are two different things.
3. Having too many options limits your ability to make a decision.
4. Family is the most valuable thing you have that you have — treat it that way.
5. All people fail, all people succeed, we have the ability to do both.
6. Every mistake you make is progress.
7. People can be great at things they don’t like to do.
8. Problems with others are at least 50% your fault.
9. Emotional decisions are rarely good ones.
10.You will never feel 100% ready when an opportunity arises.

May you all have a bright beginning to this year, and may you be surrounded by all that brings you comfort.

Storage Heartache

December 30th, 2011 by Mrs. Who

My son is in from college.  He’s been watching ‘Storage Wars’ via the ‘on demand’ feature of our satellite service.

I don’t think I can watch too much.  When I see the contents of most of those units, I think of the families that put their stuff in there, hoping to come back.  Did they lose their home, and have to put everything into storage? What happened to them that they couldn’t afford to pay their storage fees?  Or other belongings seemed that the owner had probably died, and his family (if there was any) didn’t know where his belongings were.

I know some people see profit in buying the contents of those units…I just see sorrow and heartache.

Reporting to Torquemada Tomorrow

December 29th, 2011 by Mrs. Who

Yep…time for my yearly bitching out by my doctor.  And he does it in such a nice, old-country doctor way…and I pay him for the privilege of getting my ass chewed out (for letting my ass get so big).

*sigh*

Time to remember where I put that damn treadmill…

 

Christmas is Over

December 28th, 2011 by Mrs. Who

At least, I’m taking down the decorations.  Not that I put that much out.  Just an Advent Wreath (on the dining room table), a Christmas tree, and my Nativity set (done with bears…so cute!).

My sister would be upset with me.  First off, I put up the Christmas tree two weeks BEFORE Christmas Eve!  They NEVER put theirs up until Christmas Eve…the Christmas season doesn’t start liturgically until Christmas, don’t you know.  But you can put up the Nativity as long as the baby Jesus isn’t put there until Christmas…when he was born.  And then you don’t take down the Christmas tree until after January 6th…the Feast of the Epiphany.  And oh, you don’t put the Wisemen out until the Feast of the Epiphany, which means they can be placed about the house and moved closer and closer to the Nativity each day until that feast day.  Alright, I admit, that last part is kind of cute and fun for the kids to see where the Wisemen are each day. 

But seriously…she does grumble because I don’t keep the tree up and put the baby Jesus out early.  Umm, I actually think some historians have determined that Jesus was probably born in September…which means December is a little too late.  Or else spring, given the shepherds in the fields with their sheep.  Does it really matter if you celebrate on the actual day?  It’s good to have a focal point for these celebrations.  But…to get locked up in a religious tizzy if others don’t recognize the celebration the same way you do????  I think that’s what turns people off…’my way or you’re wrong’….guess I’ll just be wrong as I take down my tree.  And my Nativity scene bears –which bothers my sister, having animals represent the Nativity.  And my black Christmas tree, which also bothers my sister.

Okay…enough bitching.  Time to turn my living room back into a heathen’s haven.

 

 

Christmas is Certain…

December 25th, 2011 by Mrs. Who

 So knowing that Christmas would happen,   we loaded up the gifts:

Waiting to be loaded:

(The gifts were packed in mesh laundry bags…a bit odd perhaps, but knowing that they have to use a laundromat, the bags became a kind of lagniappe, an ‘extra’ to be used later.)

Packed into the truck:

 

And Christmas was certain for one family, at least.  Poor Mama…she was a little late meeting us.  She had to get the complex manager to bring her to meet us because her truck wouldn’t start! But the delivery was made…and about an hour after the delivery, there was a post on the father’s Facebook page:

God is good every day!

So…thank you to all the elves who helped.  About 45 presents or so were delivered, as well as three stockings and a $100 gift card for groceries.  Thank you for living the spirit of Christmas, to show that indeed, God is good everyday.  Merry Christmas!

 

Getting my Grinch on.

December 23rd, 2011 by Mrs. Who

And all it takes is my sister to damage my Christmas calm.

Each year, I take my sister’s kids on a little Christmas outing.    My sister doesn’t drive, so she has to wait till her husband is done with school/work to get stuff done.  So I pick up her kids, and she and her husband go do their Christmas shopping.

So this year, I make the offer again…pick up the four noisiest kids in the world for pizza and some Krispy Kreme doughnuts, and maybe a boardwalk outing if the weather is nice.  My mom would watch them for a little while in the morning, and then BR and I would pick them up for the afternoon…thus giving my sister and her husband plenty of time for Christmas shopping.

Except I get an email from her this morning.  Oh, can I take some stuff to Goodwill for her?  And oh, they’re no longer going Christmas shopping, they’re going grocery shopping.  And she’ll see me at three.

WTF??? I’m supposed to drive my cheery Christmas ass across the state line for her to do her fucking GROCERY SHOPPING???  Something she can do WITH kids…although I know it’s a pain, but still…kids can look at the fucking bread and eggs…they don’t have to be kept a secret.

This is what I *hate* about dealing with my sister.  I changed the event I wanted to go to with the kids (an early-morning local radio Christmas party) to a pizza outing so that her husband would be off of work to go Christmas shopping with her.  She has no qualms about changing things to suit her needs, even when it fucks up everyone around her.    And I was doing it today because she also didn’t want to make her husband have to run around on Christmas Eve getting gifts.   And then she ADDS errands to the trip…because I will ‘be going right past the Goodwill store’.  And the main reason she fucking changed it?  Her husband is tired.  So. the. fuck. what.  Yes, he went to school and worked.  I put in just about that same amount of time ALL THE YEAR ROUND!!  Push through the fucking pain, dude.

And since he’s been working full-fucking-time, why the hell haven’t they moved out of the crappy two-bedroom house they’ve been renting when he had no job at all for months and months?  I mean, four kids (2 boys and 2 girls), the oldest a 13-year old boy, all crammed into one very tiny bedroom just doesn’t seem right…and he brags about the money he’s getting ‘under the table’ for doing extra work at the job…get a bigger place and leave the chickens outside!!!  (And yes, I’m serious about the chickens!)

Gahhh!!

 

Christmas Stone Soup

December 22nd, 2011 by Mrs. Who

Do you remember that folktale of stone soup?   Some traveling soldiers stop in a village, but the people there are afraid to share their meager food stores.  So the soldiers start boiling water over a fire, and add a stone to the hot water.  As villagers pass, they question what the soldiers are doing.  The soldiers say they are making ‘stone soup’, but it could use a little seasoning.  One by one, the villagers share something small, like carrots, onions, and potatoes, until a delicious soup is made and shared.

This past week, some very generous people have made ‘Christmas Stone Soup’.  But the reaction was far better than the initial holding back of the villagers in the story.   A family in need became the focal point of some Christmas-spirited folks, and now children who ‘weren’t doing Christmas this year’, will get presents from Santa.  My husband and I were hoping initially to provide a new set of clothes for each of the three children, and maybe a toy or two.  But because others stepped in, it went beyond that.  Even Mom and Dad are getting something.

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Wrapping Day!

December 21st, 2011 by Mrs. Who

Pictures to come later!

And thank you to all who have made this possible!!!  And yes, I’m speaking with lots of exclamation points because that’s what joy can do to you!!!

This is a lot of fun!   !!!!!!!

Busy, busy elves

December 19th, 2011 by Mrs. Who

Santa is having the elves work overtime for their special delivery!  The presents are starting to pile up, with more to be picked up tomorrow.

Shhhh!

I just can’t do it…

December 17th, 2011 by Mrs. Who

I just can’t eat any homemade goodies brought in by students. Not since the hepatitis scare. It didn’t happen in my class, thank God. But many years ago, a student brought in some cookies for Valentine’s Day and shared them with the class. The student had hepatitis, and the whole class had to get the shots, including the teacher.

Totally freaked me out, even though it wasn’t my class.

So…I don’t eat the home-baked goodies. Just can’t. And I *know* some families put great time into the baking and decorating. And the kids are so proud to bring them in. I thank them and tell them how good their desserts look.

And then I take them home and throw them out (not at school…if the trash doesn’t get emptied, you don’t want the kid seeing it the next day in the trash).

I feel bad.  I know many families can’t afford much, but want to show their appreciation….but it scares the shit out of me. Ain’t worth the risk. Dammit.  

Class Christmas party today…

December 15th, 2011 by Mrs. Who

Kind of went…

…like this:

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Dear Parents:

December 14th, 2011 by Mrs. Who

Believe it or not, we actually do some real work this full week before Christmas break.  Some important state-mandated testing, as a matter of fact.  So it would be nice if you would actually tell us ahead of time if you’re leaving out of town.  Or if you’ll be checking your child out an hour after they get to school.

We’re doing fun things, too, that your child is missing…like learning about different countries and cultures and ways of celebrating.  And please, please, please, don’t write a note saying your child was ‘sick’, when they come in all excited, telling me about their trip to Disney World.  Especially when your child looks at me funny when I ask them what kind of illness they had.

Truth matters.

Yes, Mrs. Who, there is a Santa Claus…

December 11th, 2011 by Mrs. Who

Thank you to those who have offered to help the family in this post. Thank you for sharing the magic of Christmas, which should know no race or creed. It’s about love of fellow mankind, charity for the children, and engendering hope that there is goodness and grace even in the worst of times.

Santa’s eyes are very watery.

Par for the Course

December 8th, 2011 by Mrs. Who

If you’ve been a long-time reader here at the HoZ, you know that my sister and I have our differences.  Won’t go into examples today, because I’m not worked up and needing to rant.

But today I get an invitation to her husband’s college graduation (he went back to school and is graduating summa cum laude…kudos to him).  My sister addressed the invitations.  And spelled my last name incorrectly.  The last name I’ve had for almost twelve years.  Sheesh. 

I guess Santa skips houses sometimes…

December 8th, 2011 by Mrs. Who

The school year had already started this year when this woman walked in to the office…a slender, almost gaunt-looking woman. I was on my break time, checking on some records. We glanced at each other, and recognition set in. “Oh, you’re Mrs. Who…you had my oldest son in second grade!” I asked how he was doing (they had moved away towards the end of the school year he was in my class). The family had just moved back into the area, and she was registering her two older sons for school. She turned to the registration clerk and asked if her middle son could be put in my class, because I did a great job with the eldest. The clerk looked at me, raising an eyebrow. Technically, new students go into the class with the lowest number of students. I wasn’t the ‘lowest’, but I still had room. So it was up to me…and I said yes. The oldest brother was a sweetheart, so probably the next brother would be, also. And he is…a sweet, polite, fun-loving boy, with an articulation problem that we’re working on.

The day before yesterday, however, this boy told me ‘isn’t doing Christmas’. I contacted the mom, because if it’s because of religious reasons, I have to make sure the child isn’t participating in any ‘objectionable’ activities.

It’s not for religious reasons. It’s because of the economy. Parents are barely making ends meet. Dad can’t find regular work.

I can’t effin’ imagine having to tell my kids ‘we can’t have Christmas’ this year. Cannot fathom that. Even when I was a single, divorced parent with two young kids, no regular job, I never had to tell my kids ‘we can’t do Christmas this year’. I had family to help me bring the magic of Christmas to my kids. But I guess with the economy these days, more and more people are unable to ‘reach out’ to help their families, let alone others.

The local charities already have more kids on their lists than ever before, and they don’t have any extra spaces. I’m waiting to hear back from a local church which does a fantastic outreach program, but it may be too late.

So my husband and I will try to do something. We honestly don’t have much to spare…but we’re going to make sure each boy (11, 8, and 3) gets at least a new set of clothes and a new toy or two. They live in a trailer, so I know they don’t have space for anything ‘big’ like a bike. But to see the solemn and disappointed acceptance in a young child’s face when he should be antzy with anticipation…it’s not right. I’m trying to keep my opinion on politics out of this, but this sucky economy is hurting the ones who have no voice in it. And those voices shouldn’t have to be saying, ‘We aren’t doing Christmas’ in such a sad, resigned timbre. Every damn member of our Legislative, Executive, and Judicial branches should have to go out to the broken-down neighborhoods and tell these kids to their faces “Merry Christmas”. After all, those elitist members are responsible for how this country is run, and they should see the consequences of their decisions. Yeah, there is such a thing as personal responsibility for these families. But when they’re doing all they can and it’s not enough to even give Christmas gifts to their kids…when the charities that try to help the less-fortunate aren’t getting enough donations because of the economy…yeah, those who make the decisions need to get out and see the results of what they’re doing.  They shouldn’t be ‘doing Christmas’, either.

You say SpongeBob, I’ll say I’ll just sit here and repeatedly hit my head on the table

December 6th, 2011 by Mrs. Who

During a formal assessment today:

Me: I’ll say a word, then you’ll say it. Then I’ll tell you to drop a sound, and you’ll say that new word.

Girl: (singing) ‘You say potato, and I’ll say pah-tah-to’.

Me: (thinking of this Ella Fitzgerald/Louis Armstrong song or this Fred Astaire/Ginger Rogers version, glad the girl has had some exposure to some kind of classic entertainment) Oh, you know that song?

Girl: (very matter of factly) Yeah…I watch SpongeBob!

 

FWIW:  Here is a link to the SpongeBob video.

 

Haven’t done one in awhile…

December 4th, 2011 by Mrs. Who

Unconscious Mutterings, Week 462

  1. Flannel :: sheets
  2. Chairs :: broken
  3. Sporadic :: influence
  4. Difficult :: teens, dammit
  5. Amusing :: teens, thankfully
  6. Collapse :: American Government
  7. Hurtful:: Politics
  8. Thump :: er (as in Bambi)
  9. Frugal :: Gourmet
  10. Collectibles :: Star Trek Ornaments!

Nothing much…

December 1st, 2011 by Mrs. Who

Just a very big fat-ass crisis averted…never came to fruition, thankyoudearGod.

Now to focus on Christmas. Which, btw, I DO have my black Christmas tree up. Should have seen Umbridge’s face when I told her that. Like I was some godless heathen.

I know she can’t figure me the hell out. And I like it that way.

Protected: Hey, you…

November 29th, 2011 by Mrs. Who

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Observations

November 25th, 2011 by Mrs. Who

Mainly for you guys (NSFW or if your m-i-l is around):
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Laws of Physics and Such, With Which You Cannot Argue

November 24th, 2011 by Mrs. Who

Conversation while driving down the road:

Me: Buck, can you get the ibuprofen out of my purse for me?

Buck: I don’t like getting stuff out. I just don’t get how purses work.

Me: It’s simple, really. Purses are portable quantum singularities.

Buck: Well, duh…it’s why I still can’t find the ibuprofen.