Well, it’s been over a month since I’ve tried let Buck be ‘invisible’ to me. A month of thought and prayer and pondering his future.
He reveled in my time ‘away’ from him. Didn’t have to do anything.
But I sat back and watched him become even less of a decent person…a very self-serving egocentric and shallow person. Continually leaving messes, spending all his time at his friend’s house, and even going off on a school activity without signed permission. Spending all his time on his school computer playing games.
I can’t let that happen while he’s in our house. I will not allow him to fail himself like that while he’s under our roof. And he is so desperately failing himself, even though he thinks he’s some kind of demi-god.
But I can’t let it be the confrontational situation it was before. Previously, I would expect him to know his regular set of chores and do them in a timely manner. He would put things off for days, because he won’t act on or of his own accord. Now, I will simply tell him to do whatever chore it is. I’m leaving a list for him at his table, with assigned times (since time management is very, very hard for him). I don’t expect him to read and follow it. But he will know what’s coming when I tell him to do it. And I will strive to do so matter-of-factly. The ‘kill ‘em with kindness’ approach, if you will. I will not allow him to rattle me. I will stay in control, or walk away if necessary. Well, last night I did splatter him with water from the dishrag when he used the ‘f’ word around me.
But I have to have expectations of him like he’s about 8 or 9. He refuses to be responsible because ‘we are holding it against him what he did in the past’, so therefore, he doesn’t have to prove it now. (FWIW, the past few years he’s progressed from saying vulgar things to girls to showing porn to them to sending pics over a cell phone to trying to arrange to have sex with a girl in a room at the church…all without showing a single bit of remorse…just anger at being caught.)
That’s fine, Buck. But now you’re grounded. No going to your friend’s house, no cell phone, no extra-curricular ROTC. And yes, Buck, I’ve already contacted your ROTC commander and told him this. Even though he is a doofus, the commander has offered tutoring on Mondays. It’s up to you to take it. And oh, the IT department at your school will be getting me a log of what you’ve REALLY been accessing during school hours…like that chat session with a classmate…no wonder your grades keep dropping. Girls will only get you in trouble.
Also, no school computer at home unless it’s directly for school work. We’ll get to the state of your room another time. Not going through that battle right now.
I will try this approach for a week or so. See how he progresses. He can stubbornly go to his room for a grounding and just sit there for days if not weeks, doing nothing. Seriously, he can do that. Okay, then, Buck.
Just 15 months and then he’ll (hopefully) graduate. But you know, if his egg-donor shows up, I think BR would let him go. That’s sad…but if he is truly that unremorseful, he is his mother’s child all over again. The blatant stealing and lying…it’s his mother’s way of life, too.
But I have 15 months to hope for him. God bless his angry little soul.