For Ladies Only…

Seriously guys.  This is one of ‘those’ posts. The kind that makes you go all skeevy.  The kind that talks about female stuff that you really don’t want to hear about.  So…you’ve had your fair warning.  Go get a beer and hang with the guys for awhile.  We’ll all feel better that way.


Please, men, last warning.  Turn around now.

So, ladies, as I approach that milestone of menopause, but not quite there yet…just having reached the realm of perimenopause…I tell you this:  I know why there are so few women serial killers.  Because we know how difficult it is to clean up the blood. Because we face it every month.  It’s probably a good thing in its own way.  The raging hormones are enough to make you want to go on a rampage, but there, in the back of your mind, is the quelling factor of having to clean up the mess that would ensue.  And since we have to deal with a smaller mess on a monthly basis…we know how bad the clean-up would be.  So we tamp down our rage while all the while men think we are just out-of-control langoliers (think Stephen King).

All joking aside, I have never referred to my monthly menses as ‘The Curse’.  Until now.  Now, I get this awful experience.  I go through a super-plus tampon in less than two hours.  It makes it extremely difficult in my job.  It’s not like a desk job where the work will sit there until you get back from the bathroom.  No, now I have to prop my door open, call to the teacher across the hall, who has to prop her door open, and run to the bathroom while she tries to keep an eye on both classes.

When I was talking to the doctor about it, she asked if the problem affected my job.  I told her that yes it did, as well as that of the teacher across the hall.

So…the doctor is running some bloodwork to make sure it isn’t a thyroid problem, and if that is all clear, then soon I will have a uterus ablation.

Sounds absolutely awful, doesn’t it?

The doctor will be using the NovaSure method.  Anybody know anybody who has had this procedure done?

I’m actually excited…because there’s a very good chance that I will never. have. a. period. again.  Oh, happy day!  And the procedure isn’t as traumatic as a hysterectomy, and you don’t have to go on hormones to relieve the problem.

I was going to wait until summer to have it done, and do some more research in the meantime, but it’s starting to get heavier.  And more frequent.  ENOUGH I SAY!

Screw this happy period crap.   I’m ready for the un-period.

14 Responses to “For Ladies Only…”

  1. Nancy Says:

    Amen, sister! After a few months where I thought the hot flashes were over, they’re baaacccckkk…..aaaaccckkk..


  2. Ladybug Crossing Says:

    Good for you! Let me know how it goes.

  3. wRitErsbLock Says:

    the SIL I cannot stand had it done. And… shortly thereafter, she resumed her period. So that was a wasted procedure for her.

    I only know those few vague facts. We don’t talk. And, while I love you, Mrs. Who, I don’t love you enough to talk to my SIL and ask for more details. Sorry.

  4. LeeAnn Says:

    Just before they decided to go with The Devastation and rip out all the giblets, you could have floated a battleship on my output. I’ve talked to a couple other women and it seems to be a final fling down there before the drying up portion and the true mentalpause sets in.
    Not having any nether plumbing anymore, I can’t testify to anything else.

  5. Pammy Says:

    Oh, my. Been there…and am on the downside. I hope. There were points when I’d use TWO super plus tampons AND a pad. And still hafta be in the bathroom every half hour or so. I toughed it out because I was too much of a pussy to get all the “giblets’ ripped out. heh

    Hope the procedure works for ya.

  6. diamond dave Says:

    Oh no. You’ve gone Helen on us.

  7. Quality Weenie Says:

    I am jealous!

    My periods send my arthritis into flare-ups, I use to just curse my curse (horribe periods since 14, lucky me) now I curse the curse of my curse.

    I keep cheering menopause on, hoping it will come early.

  8. sticks Says:

    Let me know if you do it and it works. I didn’t know there was an alternative. Sometimes I can go through a super tampon and a pad in less time than it takes to walk from one end of the house to the other. I have to stay at home or run from one bathroom to the next on those days. It is getting worse and worse.

  9. Jungle Mom Says:

    I am there, sister! Blood, blood, blood! And hot, hot, hot. it does not help to be in Paraguay where it is summer now and often over 100*F.

  10. jck Says:

    I was much like LeeAnn. Which made me weak from low iron – so I ate spinach, took iron pills, was constipated (yippee), and still low iron and energy. I considered the uterus ablation, but my doc told me it was a 50/50 chance it would work. And if not, we would then go for surgery. This was 10 years ago, so not sure if things have improved with the procedure. Anyway, I opted for the surgery, as I wanted it overwith. I do not miss the curse at all. It is a distant memory, and I am very much enjoying life since. And the Women’s Shelter was thrilled when I showed up with mass quantities of product I no longer needed…

    Good luck!

  11. Bou Says:

    I have never heard of this procedure before, but it sounds kind of painful. Wow.

    If I hear of it before this summer though, I’ll let you know. We all know I work with NO women, but hey, I’ll put feelers out.

    I have to say… I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I haven’t experienced anything like that, but I have heard of so many women that have. My issue is my face breaks out worse than when I was 16. The rosacea is hormone driven for me. But honestly, I don’t give a flip. The difference of 16 vs 43? At 16 I figured everyone was staring at any blemish on my face. At 43 I feel certain that 1) absolutely nobody notices me anymore and 2) if they do, I couldn’t give a crap what they think.


  12. Mrs. Who Says:

    Nancy: As if living in Texas didn’t give you enough summer…you’ve got portable ones, too! Acck!

    LBC: Even if it just lessens the amount (which it should), I’ll be happy.

    WB: Since you don’t like your sil, is it okay to laugh at her continued discomfort?

    LeeAnn: I’m trying to steer away from the yanking out the whole works, but if that’s what it takes….

    Pammy: Two? At one time? I didn’t know that was possible. Bless your heart!

    DD: Not quite sure what you mean…I don’t read Helen regularly. But dear God, I hope you don’t mean twins!! I’m counting the five years till the last one is out of the house. Maybe you mean laying it all out there. I’m at the age where I don’t care, lol!

    QW: I’m so sorry, sweetie. I don’t know if this procedure would help you, since you’d still get the hormonal cycle. But I completely understand rooting the coming of menopause!

    Sticks: I’m sure I’ll be blogging the results…at the very least, it should put me back at a more manageable volume! (Please, dear God!)

    JM: I have no right to complain after hearing about dealing with this mess in that kind of temperature! I think I’d go raving mad!

    JCK: I haven’t ruled out the surgery yet…but maybe this ablation has improved since then. I’m hoping to avoid drugs and/or surgery, so I’m going to try this procedure. I’m ready for the ‘distant memory’!

    Bou: I know what you mean about ‘not caring’ what folks think. It makes life a lot easier. But the ablation is not like a D&C…just basically a heated mesh in the uterus…five or ten minutes max and you’re done. Some cramping possible and you’re done. I hope.

  13. Tink Says:

    Being has that I have been period free for what…. 8 years. I love it. I am one of the lucky ones though, no hot or cold flashes, no extreme mood swings, nadda. But then my kids would just say they didn’t notice because I was a bitch all along. :)

  14. Da Goddess Says:

    I was given the choice of ablation or hysterectomy, I chose hysterectomy. Eventually, it’s all gonna stop working and the best bang for your buck is to have it all out at once, take the estrogen, get back to a normal, happy zone sooner. (I saw what my sister went through for six years and the misery she experienced — there was NO WAY I was going to go through that)

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