And so it begins… (now with update…and another update)

Not the end of the world. Although it feels like it, with the reelection of what’shisname.

No, it’s the beginning of a medical procedure I get to have. Today I only get clear liquids. And jello. Yay. NOT.

And then later today, I get to ingest 10 ounces of Magnesium Citrate and four Dulcolax. And then even later today, I get to repeat that little delicacy. Then, instead of getting to watch my favorite television characters of all time in ‘Firefly: Browncoats Unite”, I’ll be sitting on my porcelain throne, cursing the day.

And then tomorrow morning, I get a colonoscopy. Yay me. NOT.

But when you’ve had blood in your stool, you get to do all of this. Even though the doctor said it was 99.9999999% a fluke, you go get checked. Because when your husband’s beloved mother died from colon cancer, you don’t send him into an agony of worry.

But dammit. I don’t want to do this.

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UPDATE:

The doctor’s office gave me directions to prep for this damn thing. At 3:00 PM, I had to take 4 Ducolax as well as drink a bottle of Magnesium Citrate. Which I did. And then proceeded to throw much of it up an hour later.

I was dreading the second bottle at 7:00 PM, per directions, when I read the barely legible directions…the Magnesium Citrate was supposed to be taken with 8 ounces of other liquid. Wish the doctor’s directions had specified that. The second one went much better. My innards are now as clean as can be. Dammit.

And it looks like we get to go in a huge storm. Dammit. FML right now.

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It’s all over. No cancer or polyps…just some things that mean I need to eat more fiber. Doesn’t vodka count? It comes from a plant. But thank you God, nothing serious.

14 Responses to “And so it begins… (now with update…and another update)”

  1. Jess Says:

    I enjoyed the draining process about a year ago. After it was all over, the doctor told me to make another appointment in 7 years.

    Hopefully, after 7 years, I forget the first draining and look-see.

  2. Andy Says:

    Mrs. Who, you have probably read it. But, if you have not…

    You should read Dave Barry’s colonoscopy story. It is quite possibly one of the funniest things I have ever read.

    http://www.miamiherald.com/2009/02/11/427603/dave-barry-a-journey-into-my-colon.html

    BTW, good luck. My office at work is right across the hall from the GI Lab. People come out of there looking very happy after the procedure.

  3. Mrs. Who Says:

    Jess: My husband has had to have two. He did fine, too. I’m being a weenie. A miserable weenie. I threw up much of the first batch of the crap I had to drink.

    Andy: Thank you. I so needed that.

  4. Andy Says:

    UR Welkum.

  5. Bou Says:

    We pass around the Dave Barry column at work. Probably 99% are over 50 in my group, so someone is always having that done. My Mom and Dad say you don’t remember anything.

    I had to drink about a gallon of barium for an upper GI series. I chose orange flavored. It has the same effect, by the way. They didn’t tell me that ahead of time. Fortunately, my body chose to expel it, I think all at once, giving me time to actually pick up my kids from school. That was going to be ugly…

  6. Bob Agard Says:

    Good luck! I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow.

  7. vwbug Says:

    *hugs*

  8. pam Says:

    Praying for you! {{Hug}}

    I hated drinking that crap and then couldn’t wake up from the ketamine so didn’t enjoy my colonoscopy. Hope yours goes smoothly and they find everything is normal!

  9. Rita Says:

    Glad to hear the good results. Several years ago most insurance companies had to be at gunpoint to pay for a colonoscopy but I never hear anyone objecting now.

    I have a funny story about Bob’s first one and what he probably said under influence of the Versid. I can’t repeat it because its not politically correct. I just hate to think what that make nurse might have heard. ;)

  10. Bou Says:

    Rita, it’s still a problem. If they find nothing, they will cover it. If they find something, it is no longer considered covered as your… seven yearly? I’m not sure how to phrase that. Mmm… if your insurance will pay for one every seven years, if they find nothing, it is covered. If they find something, it does not count towards it and you have to pay for ALL of it towards your deductible.

    I’m glad it went well. I think you’d be better of getting beer to count as a fiber… that whole barley thing. Don’t come live with me. We’d get in trouble with our rationalization. To me… cake and doughnuts are the same. Therefore, they are both breakfast foods.

  11. Peter Says:

    Hooray for Mrs. Who’s er, shut up, Peter.

    Seriously, glad you came out okay.

  12. diamond dave Says:

    Hope your… uh… nether regions are recovering and doing well. Feed them something sweet like ice cream, they deserve it after the insult they’ve been through.

  13. patti Says:

    ok – i’m like 2 years over due for my first one. maybe you’ve guilted me into it – or not

    glad everything came out ok in the end – ha

    seriously glad everything is ok

  14. LC Aggie Sith Says:

    PTL, my friend!!

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