Bless His Heart

I’m still working on achieving peace of mind in my dealings with Buck. I was letting the ‘big things’ (and believe me, they are some BIG things!) spill over into the little things. I was walking around muttering vulgarities under my breath whenever one of this little things happened (like not doing chores…for days!).

But now…now I treat it as if Buck has a disability (and that could be true, but we can’t find anyone who’ll take on that analysis). And instead of muttering vulgarities, I say ‘bless his heart’ when I trip over the garbage bag that’s laying on the floor. And then I take it out myself. I say ‘bless his heart’ when he doesn’t change the dogs’ water bowls…and do it myself.

I long balked at picking up behind him…that teaches all the wrong things. But in the five or so years since all his serious behaviors started, there has been no positive change in his behaviors. We’ve tried positive rewards, withholding privileges, etc., etc., etc. Nothing has made an impact.

Basically, I’ve felt I’ve been hitting my head against a brick wall. Repeatedly. And I’ve run out of aspirin.

So…’Bless his heart’ has become my new mantra. And I don’t speak to him unless necessary. I defer any requests he makes to BR…let Dad deal with it.

Okay…funny moment. This past Monday I had noticed a piece of paper sitting at Buck’s place at the table. A new semester has started, and the form was from a teacher and was due on Friday or would be recorded as a zero. The note was requesting parent and student signatures as verification of having read the class syllabus. The paper sat there Monday night. And Tuesday night. And Wednesday night. And Thursday night. Bless his heart.

On Thursday night, BR and I had gone out for a doughnut date at the Krispy Kreme. When we got back around 10:00, the form was sitting on BR’s computer chair. BR called Buck in and asked to see the syllabus, stating that he wasn’t going to sign anything saying he’d read something he hadn’t. Buck didn’t have a copy, but managed to pull it up on the computer.

BR looked at the syllabus, and then said, “Seriously, Buck? Seriously? You really expected me to sign that form without looking at the syllabus?”

I waited in the other room (remember, I’m keeping myself out of Buck’s business now), but I was curious about BR’s reaction.

Turns out the class is partially about Contract Law. I guess he got the first lesson about it. Bless his heart.

3 Responses to “Bless His Heart”

  1. pam Says:

    Well, bless his heart!

    I know exactly how you feel. Not that it helps. I’m glad you’ve moved into self-care territory… even if it means more housework.

  2. diamond dave Says:

    I wonder if my stepmother ever said or thought such things towards me in my teenage years. I didn’t have nearly the set of problems that Buck did, but I do confess to being a royal shit towards her at times while growing up. But nowadays we’re very close.

  3. Mrs. Who Says:

    Pam: Maybe more housework, but less stress. I’m not freaked out by dishes piling up, or coming home to a sinkful of dirty dishes and trying to cook dinner. And what takes him two hours (I’m not exaggerating) only takes me 10 or 15 minutes. So it gets cleaned to my standards, and it looks good when I go to bed.

    DD: All parents, step or not, have problems from time to time with kids. Buck’s disposition is beyond the normal teen rebellion. We’ve reared three other kids, so we know. Buck is just…different.

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